We've met. I'm Beth. Lately I've been growing a thicker skin and breaking down walls at the same time. so much better to have the warm elasticity of skin than the dead brittleness of walls.
I read because I don't know you at all, because I see you regularly and every now and then I feel a moment of connection, but most of the time not at all. I met you at Chris' house. Inspiration for me comes from everything I see, but it's a reflection of my emotional state, sometimes it's raindrops, barbed wire, freckles, cacti, freshly turned earth, alleys, messy backyards, anything or nothing at all. music flits through my life, I'd be lying if I said it was the only thing that mattered to me, but there's something precious about having something that is passion, fun and hard work all wrapped up in one. Everyone's definition of happiness is different, the most wonderful feeling in the world, starting from the inside and glowing so brightly one has to avoid eye contact with others...I usually say mine comes from a focus, a direction, but that's not quite accurate. I think it comes from the fact that I want every day, every hour and every minute. When I'm absolutely miserable, when I can't imagine why anyone would ever see me, when I feel laughable, when I'm weak, stupid, slow, and ugly...I still can't breathe when I see the blood red leaves of a tree against a stormy sky. I won't let go of the weak moments, there's a beauty in them too. And each day, if the next didn't come, well, I've had more than my share of joy. I don't feel wise enough to tell everyone anything, I don't think I'll ever be wise enough, which is frustrating in a world where everyone seems to think they're wise enough to dictate how others should or shouldn't live. I've made nothing but words lately, but perhaps I'll make some old music new tomorrow.
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Date: 2005-11-06 08:15 am (UTC)I read because I don't know you at all, because I see you regularly and every now and then I feel a moment of connection, but most of the time not at all. I met you at Chris' house. Inspiration for me comes from everything I see, but it's a reflection of my emotional state, sometimes it's raindrops, barbed wire, freckles, cacti, freshly turned earth, alleys, messy backyards, anything or nothing at all.
music flits through my life, I'd be lying if I said it was the only thing that mattered to me, but there's something precious about having something that is passion, fun and hard work all wrapped up in one.
Everyone's definition of happiness is different, the most wonderful feeling in the world, starting from the inside and glowing so brightly one has to avoid eye contact with others...I usually say mine comes from a focus, a direction, but that's not quite accurate. I think it comes from the fact that I want every day, every hour and every minute. When I'm absolutely miserable, when I can't imagine why anyone would ever see me, when I feel laughable, when I'm weak, stupid, slow, and ugly...I still can't breathe when I see the blood red leaves of a tree against a stormy sky. I won't let go of the weak moments, there's a beauty in them too. And each day, if the next didn't come, well, I've had more than my share of joy.
I don't feel wise enough to tell everyone anything, I don't think I'll ever be wise enough, which is frustrating in a world where everyone seems to think they're wise enough to dictate how others should or shouldn't live.
I've made nothing but words lately, but perhaps I'll make some old music new tomorrow.