darren inspired me to write this

[foxtongue]

It's one of those days again. Over and over again the water droplets comes down like knives thrown into the ground, rain without end, amen. I was scared to leave the house, he had to hold my hand. He looks apiece, his coat and hair and fingers all matched in one certain picture. I have never felt so much like I wanted to be someone else. I can't help but wish I could explain to my lover why I feel robbed, how it is that something smashed. My heart was beaten over and over again at the wedding, until I returned home feeling tender and let down. Vows, pause, repeat, vows, not mine, but thiers and yours. It's not a real party unless I come home the next day after breakfast with light in the sky, unless I come home the next day having fallen asleep on a couch or taken over a guestroom. I'm feeling like I need to be wanted more, like somehow I need attention paid to me. I'm not used to it, it took some deciphering to understand. Every letter of want was shifted one over, world war two in a minor key, singing blandly and tiny in a shallow mind. Since when was I concerned about being pretty without irony?


I didn't make it to Sunday Tea today. Crying myself to sleep didn't leave me in a state of mind that supplied motivation against the horrid hill that he lives atop of. Instead I went downtown and dealt with some things which needing sorting. One foot after the other, eyes glazed purchasing of pre-planned presents. (tikiking, I have your return package ready.) Someone stole my laundry that I left overnight in the washing room, but I haven't replaced my towels yet. I woke early after going to bed late with my mouth full of iron blood, and warmth streaming down my face. The sun was just rising when I went to spit it out. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt like cockroaches must be living under my skin in an alternate reality. Blank eyes in a pale uninteresting face smeared with crimson. There's nothing behind those eyes, I thought to myself, I can't find a person there.

Comments

[mckenzee.livejournal.com]

um... hello.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

blah blah I'm a girl whine blah

[mckenzee.livejournal.com]

yeah, I noticed.

I'm off to bed anyway, going back to work tomorrow with my aching elbow.

Hey, do you know anything about the Nepalese royal family massacre?

I'm plotting...

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I don't off-hand... no...

You are involving me with furries?

Alright. I'm in.

[legacyofty.livejournal.com]

Did you get my email?

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

certainmont

[faerie-lady.livejournal.com]

Wow. I've been in the same place today, in a lot of ways. I can only hope it gets better, lovely. It is hard to articulate.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* I don't think I do too badly. I've got to start writing ideas again though, make something a little happier.

[michel-lacombe.livejournal.com]

blah blah clumsy words of comfort blah blah cuddles blah

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Don't worry too much about me, lovely, you know I'll be dancing down the street soon enough.

[tikiking.livejournal.com]

i'm still scared and i'm still slacking. i've finished 16 of the 25 paintings i owe, with number 17 sketched and waiting for paint.

maybe i'll send these out in stages so everyone doesn't have to suffer through my torpidity.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* I'll wrap yours up all pretty. I'm hoping that after you've sent them out, you'll post what everyone recieved.

[lesprita.livejournal.com]

Jhayne...we all deserve to be special to someone...to have one person who takes care of us and who we can protect when they most need it...I can't help but think your needs are the most natural ones...thank you for inspiration and being inspired, it touches me so....

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I've one, dear heart, it's just that sometimes I feel a bit greedier than I feel I should.