"You said you would show me another country, and you have. It's right here, in me."

[foxtongue]

isn't she pretty?
Originally uploaded by Foxtongue.

There was flying yesterday. I opened my eyes in Reine's bed, not having slept at all. Karen and Patrick were downstairs with her mother. Ten minutes later, we were driving. Smooth ska on the stereo, too early for people to be aware. Up Victoria, up fourty-first, taking the bridge past the airport and out onto highway. I held my breath through the tunnel and wished I could remember how not to be wounded. I let it out half way, feeling empty and futile. A child thought, how hollow they make these places. The way the music played made me think of movies, of black pvc.

The plane was small, familiar. Fuselage white, pale as they always are in such places. Karen and Reine looked like headset angels. I rode in front, co-pilot pretender. Once I took the handles, but all I did was steer on course, something anyone could have done. It dragged to the left, heavy somehow so far above the earth. We flew to the airport outside of Victoria, touching down and lifting back up without pause. I held my hands out with my camera on top and said, "do you think we can do it?" to Patrick. Zero gravity, it lifted and fell upward, my fingers cradled under it as it swooped for the windscreen and I could feel my hair twisting away from my scalp, it was beautiful. Enough to unknot my eyes, to pry open my muscles enough to move.

Light seems different when you're flying, like above the clouds there's a different texture. I thought of marbles, cats eyes glittering, and agates, how I dearly wanted to walk back in time and say, "teach me now, not later, before you make mistakes." I wanted twin handfuls of them, glass smooth and clear. I wanted them to spill and fall into the ocean beneath me, a mystery to any witnesses as much as my relationships. I miss him, of course I do. His hands hold my heart still, that burning thing. Blood, however, has left me barren. Think of burned houses, only the shell and metal remaining. Let my honour be my unwarped steel. Picture red hair and eyes like blue quick silver. My strawberry heart is useless, obviously, or else I would be able to stop my crying. I could return it home and let it flutter back into my breast like a nesting bird.

I have a doctors appointment this afternoon. A question asked of me demands it. The other women are likely wonderful people, but.

I remember trust.

Comments

[thegodofwar.livejournal.com]

Guided tour or traveling somewhere yo?

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Just a quick hop to the island because we could.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

Hey! You! Yeah, you in the back! No napping on the plane!

I can't remember if I've said it before, but your glasses are cool.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Thank you, don't think you had.

[ridenowhere.livejournal.com]

Four hundred hours in the sky flying without an engine and still I can't get anyone to fly with me. I can't tell if the prospect frightens or just bores people. Either way it doesn't do wonders for the self image.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

We'll toss something together, see if we don't. We know camping people now, when we certainly didn't before.

[naekkae.livejournal.com]

it doesn't matter if they are wonderful people or not. you didn't put your trust in them, you put your trust in one who betrayed you, and you need to know. going to the doctor...it's the right thing, even though it's a painful, fucked up thing.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Unexpected, certainly, but apparently she's going. If she feels she has reason to, then against all odds, I should as well.

[uminthecoil.livejournal.com]

if you gotta feel blue, somewhere above the clouds ain't a bad place for it...:)

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Above ocean too, so extra blue.

[ridenowhere.livejournal.com]

"I have a doctors appointment this afternoon. A question asked of me demands it. The other women are likely wonderful people, but."

Oh, hell. I hadn't even thought of that. Well I wouldn't, would I?

I'm off to see if there's anywhere I can purchase Dark Mocha Chocolate Valium...............

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

the person who invents that...