What am I going to do with you?

[foxtongue]

Arthur Rackham,
illustrations for
'The Ring Of The Nibelungen'
Originally uploaded by Foxtongue.

I'm sitting in china flavoured ivory silk and wondering if any intentions have coalesced into something real or even vaguely legible. There are so many undercurrents to conversations, so many tones of voice possible with which to set a scene. I could stand in my doorway and merely shrug to express how necessary the awkwardness of roommates can be or you could call me at three in the morning and not know what to say, but not need to, because the gesture was enough to remind us both that we love each other. We could dance with the idea of innocuous topics while bringing to the table everything mother told us we shouldn't take from strangers. We could even smile (or want to) at the mention of a number overheard in passing because six by six was a room once, but none of it helps when the air from the window is cold and I am curious with no immediate answers. No invisible cowgirls swinging their hips can save me, no assumptions of data paper are forthcoming with the tiny musical ting of inkwell spurs, only your voicing of desideratum, digital or otherwise.

I cried at the party I went to, after the burlesque show. At exactly the wrong moment, that third-of-a-second where my throat was too tight to let anything out but misery, Michael asked how I was, and I dissolved. On the porch I held a twenty minute court, curled in my coat against the dawn and an outpouring of explanation, friends at my feet and holding my hand. Earlier was amusing, a boy in the kitchen drunkenly spinning fancies of admiration and delay while he worried about something entirely different that I pushed him toward, but when it came time to go, they found me as a black cloth lump between the stove and the corner kitchen cupboard. Occupational hazard, I warrant, when I'm not very good at being betrayed. I'm much better now. I began to fix most of everything the very next day, after Nine Inch Nails.

(Which if you listen to anyone else, was a masterpiece of sound and light and motion, but to me was reminiscent of a high-school dance, with sledgehammer subtle visuals and terrible acoustics. With all the expectation built up, I was amused to find it was a surprise to see the people on stage only half an inch tall. They're not twice the size of mere mortals! The rest of the concert was peppered with my mind being occupied on how effects are meant to erase that and create an actual feeling of bigger than life. "This is the audience, where all the lights shine out to blind you, and we are the band, who control this glorious blaze of flash and fury with a shake of our magical hands. We all know our roles, now we are bigger, and you are going to put your hands up in unison and punch the air so the people behind you get the right silhouette." The most beautiful thing was the BIC constellations that flickered into being at every lull. A hundred hands bravely holding shards of fire above their heads to create a mythical web of stars in darkness.)

Comments

[pvck.livejournal.com]

I would like to ask a favor. I would like for you to say something, at your convenience, about Tristan and Isolde. You are my yarrow stalks, I can't tell you what I want, but I can throw you and see where you land, and make my way from there.

(possibly the oddest Objectification of a Woman I've ever engaged in)

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I have to say that I don't recall very much about it. It's a tragedy romance rip-off out of the greek myth, isn't it, about the labrynth? The king tosses himself off the cliff because the sails are the wrong colour, which means his son wwas dead.


Either that or it was just a really popular trendy way to die for awhile/..

[bloodykitty.livejournal.com]

or he means the opera? you poster of ring cycle pictures, you.

i like it, but i am aware that there are a lot of wagner haters out there.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

You know, it might be an idea to actually take a moment to wake up in the morning before I try and reply to anything. *shakes head at self* Not that it helps, I barely remember the opera, it's been so many years since I've been to that one. Almost a decade I suspect.

[hentooth.livejournal.com]

NIN comments:) made me smile. lumps between the stove and corner, not so smiley.

were there cellphones? the last show i went to, when the band played the hit single a hundred cell phones flipped open to catch the sound. they looked like lighters.

lumps are less now that M and I are finding our middle ground

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I still wish dearly, even more so actually, that I had made it to the last tour. The one with Bowie, I almost cried when I found out it was happening and there was not a chance in hell of being able to afford a ticket. Sometimes I could see cell phones, but only rarely, and only near by. If I'd had one, I would have called people and sent them music, but alas alack, etc et al, it wasn't all that spectacular anyways.

[arrogant-gamer.livejournal.com]

Hi

I waved my DS at one point, trying to be ironic.

z.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

As if everyone's hair didn't cover quota?

[rogue-priestess.livejournal.com]

are you involved again with Matthew?

Michelle (jorrah) offered to put me in touch with you. We had met at Illuminares earlier this summer.

She said you have had dealings with Matthew and may be able to warn me of what I could be getting into.

dangergrrl @ shaw . ca

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I've sent you a letter of askance. I am dearly hoping that I've misunderstood something here, as the answer i enough of a yes to really hurt otherwise.

[rogue-priestess.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I was in a very bad emotional headspace when I posted and my approach was just horrible. I apologize for upsetting you; it was not my intent. I was informed that you had had dealings with Matthew in the past and could possibly shed some light on his character to inform me of a few things. However, I realize now that the direct approach is best and I'll not put you in the middle of any awkwardness.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

No need to worry. We had an eight month relationship that's currently on a bit of hiatus probation because of some rather bad choices of his, and as your request sounded strikingly similar in chord to those same decisions, I was slightly taken aback. I'd woken up maybe five mintues before reading it too, which I'm sure didn't help.

I sent you a letter. I hope you reply. Friends of friends are most welcome.

[rogue-priestess.livejournal.com]

I didn't receive the letter. Please resend to dangergrrl@shaw.ca

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Done.

Which if you listen to anyone else, was a masterpiece of sound and light and motion, but to me was r

[bloodykitty.livejournal.com]

you win.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

*curtsy*

[arrogant-gamer.livejournal.com]

Hi

I was waiting and waiting to hear your version of the concert: I'm always happy to hear about things Porphylter style. Never disapointed,

z.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

What was yours?