winding up in the sort of movie that middle aged women would take me for the hero

[foxtongue]

city glance
Originally uploaded by Foxtongue.

I wish you were here in my empty bed so it would not be so hollow. It's been filled with clothing to mimic the twisting forms of company, but last I checked, sweaters don't talk. They don't try to keep me. I wrote once that my sheets felt like sand, that if I were to turn over in the middle of the night, absence would hit me like a blinding storm. They're doing it again, right now, with this soft music playing that reminds me so much of your hands tracing my cheekbones when my glasses are off.

because

You are small beautiful simple things, like a line perfectly written, the only one in the novel that you'll bother to remember later, but when you're away is all the time. It reminds me of the time I missed someone to death. When it happened, my pillows and blankets quivered, shuddered, and stopped breathing. My heart was dazed, dropped from a great height, and I have yet to recover its wings from the wretched broken mess of glass shattered connection.

because

The shape of you fills with mistakes when you are not around to fill in. The secondary characteristic of your absence is my dwelling on how much I can't deal with it. When I'm missing you, your smile bleeds out of my mind, to be replaced by how often I sleep alone and never with you. You right now are someone else. A heavenly creature I don't know, who sacrifices something that looks like my integrity to an altar I'm not allowed to approach or respect.

because

Then it slips out, my joan of arc moment, seeping through the cracks in all my routine and argument. It's the pattern. You cut here and put these seams together. You prick your finger on the pins that have somehow found themselves between your lips. My fear is a foot on the pedal, the sway and yank of social fabric. I'm uncertain. I can't wear this dress, it's heavy and the embroidery's just tacky. Not already, not so soon, but then your voice is crashing into me. I've been tackled by a thousand foot wave of feeling like myself again. You push me up to the firmament.

Tonight I thought I saw you standing on the corner of that memory, just enough out of vision that I could place you where I wanted to. It was a conversation about skin, about nerve endings. The technology that craves contact. Our first hint of compatible loneliness.

Comments

[abmann.livejournal.com]

Up sort of late, I see. :)

When I read "joan of arc moment" I picture fire and unrelenting organs beating through a monotonous death.

I may just be tired though.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I'm more tangible association, less the literal nasties.

[abmann.livejournal.com]

I figured. I'm just in an odd state o mind. After effects of Absinthe drunkeness, you see. Plus it is awefully late here.

[zenostortoise.livejournal.com]

Nice. My favorite line: "The shape of you fills with mistakes when you are not around to fill in."

Unfortunately, most of your links were lost on me. I could only get the Tesla one to work in this godforbidden eastern-hemisphere wasteland. It was a terribly interesting article, as Tesla has always been a close and personal friend of mine (kind of like Johnny Depp and Herman Melville, since I keep good company) but I feel like I might have missed an important level because I was just reading it as a metaphor to add depth to your writing. If names or faces were important, I missed them.

I liked the overall weight here, and I mean that in a literal sense...I get the feeling that I could pick up half of your words and turn them over in my hands.

writing about pale stones

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

It was a pleasant surprise to find you had another journal, and one that was updated far more regularly. I'm flatterd you chose to add me back. *smiles* And even more that you like what you've seen.

I wouldn't say names or faces in the links are important. The first one is about tesla coils, electricity, the second is a link to excerpts from a book I think is going to be interesting, and the third is news on the Paris rioting. I tend to link to things I find interesting. News, technology, art.

Re: writing about pale stones

[zenostortoise.livejournal.com]

I am definitely a fan of interesting links, especially when interspersed with things that are nice to read.

I've always liked your comments on falseidoru, and I've always thought you seemed tremendously interesting on a personal level (I've checked out your LJ through falseidoru a few times). I tend to avoid initially friending people, though, because I think they might simply want a fiction-fix every few weeks, thus, if they added me back out of politeness, they'd be rather annoyed by the frequency and general randomness of my personal lj. Wow, that was a convoluted sentence, but even after looking over it I couldn't find a way to simplify.

I am very pleased to be on your friendslist. Much interestingness abounds here. :)

Re: writing about pale stones

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

If you're into links, you may actually want to wander back my entries some. I tend to toss them into almost everything, as well as pictures.

Seems like a fine sentence to me, but then again, I tend to over-use commas, don't I? I've always adored what you do at falseidoru, though for the life of me I can't remember how I found it, and I've always wondered who you were, at least a little bit.

Re: writing about pale stones

[zenostortoise.livejournal.com]

It was probably that ubershort that I had on diepunyhumans...that's how pretty much everyone that I don't personally know found it. I lost most of them, though, because I went through phases of deleting it for a couple weeks every few months.

I adore commas. I also overuse those little condradictory insertions like "but really," or "although," "still," "however," and "then again." I think that might contribute to my comma overuse.

I will indeed wander back. I hope China likes some of your other posts more (damn you, big brother! ::shakes fist at sky::)

I had already had plans to read that book

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

sometimes it's strange how things appeal to both of us, despite? differences in what we usually think is shiny

[ridenowhere.livejournal.com]

I dunno. "Joan of Arc" moment makes me think of the detached lever escapement. I think I'm tired.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

GO to bed, you.

Hah, and she says this at 4 a.m. and expecting a wake up and get out of the house call for eight.

[aether-jockey.livejournal.com]

This was incredible. Sorry for just stumbling by; I was following links from Jeff Rowland's magical home remedies. I'd love to read more, but I'd feel like a snoop going through a stranger's LJ.

Would you mind? I can totally pretend it's professional research, or scouting, or something. :)

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

All of it is public. You're more than welcome to stick around. THe mroe the merrier, really.