it's been a busy week

[foxtongue]

derek
Originally uploaded by Foxtongue.

Last year, they said, they were crying. They didn't know what they were doing, if who they were was worthwhile. I can't imagine why. They haven't told me yet. Last year, I was so happy that I ran instead of walked. That my feet were faster than my thoughts. Last year at this time, the boy I was trying to be in love with, he was so far away that I couldn't sleep, knowing that we were living in the same time-zone wasn't enough. This time last year, there was a painter. He would trace my body like a sculpture and we could never find enough to talk about. We were just tying up loose ribbons of who we used to be. It was enough. This time last year, I was up until early morning because eight hours difference was perfect. I used to watch the dawn lick the sky when I was talking in fingers. Last year was freedom before I went to L.A.

This year, I'm going to Montreal. The play I was in has kicked me out for it. I will be gone too long, nevermind I have my lines and planned on forcing Michel and James to play parts for me to work blocking around. I understand. Time is time, and it's unreal. It only stops in hotel rooms. (It's like my childhood didn't exist). This year, I'm pearlescent with the heat of events hitting me, like if I were into that sort of thing, I wouldn't sit down for weeks. Winter is upon us, fog has eaten the city for three days. Thick ashes of potential rain billowing across every street, erasing the world in portions of thirty feet.

I walked past a murder scene at two in the morning on Saturday(Sunday). It unfolded like the pages of a book, every increment walked giving me another details. Trees coalescing into police, all the sounds of the city being replaced by a constant quiet chattering buzz of ear-beads and car radios. No one was talking. The street was lined with officially identical cars, every one empty with a laptop glow.

Last year, they said. Last year, what? Everyone has little stories, it's our dream. I want to collect them all and make them matter, but I have no idea how to do that. Last year I was living, this year I haven't been. Last year turns into this year, but when? There's some period of time, like how August brings change. I think I've been partnered, but all I know is that I've a lover. I think I've found family, but instead they were tribe. I think I've found my friend, but I've been introduced by others as their significant other. Instead of meaning, I'm just watching. Hoping with a terrified heart that they still like me, that I'm not the imposition that I think myself to be.

Comments

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

I have to see you before you go to Montreal: I'm always afraid when you leave town, that you're not coming back....

[ridenowhere.livejournal.com]

As am I.

[thegodofwar.livejournal.com]

Who is that dude in the picture!? I must know, we have indeed finally found the man to play Larry Lovage in the movie version of "Leisure Suit Larry"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_dubiosity_/]

*gingerly raises hand*

Should this trouble me?

DR

[thegodofwar.livejournal.com]

Well admittedly the dude in the game is a bit of a geek/dork loser whose whole intent (and the game's intent) is to get laid. However, insofar as geeks/losers go he's a very likeable character in a fun loving plot. I just think the facial features are kinda the same, as is the ability to manipulate said facial features.

In the end, I could see taking offense on your part given what this dude is all about, but I assure you I meant it in no such way. That is just a priceless facial expression you got there dawg.

[michel-lacombe.livejournal.com]

There's a typo in your link to James's LJ, dear.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

fixed. danke.

[inri33.livejournal.com]

you got the boot too, huh?

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

*nods* said that I would be going off to Montreal, and before it was fine, but ah well. I have been very wrecked for a couple of wednesday nights. Bad timing, I guess. However, this means I get to watch the play, which is one of the most galling things about being in one.

[inri33.livejournal.com]

I'm just not going.

[arrogant-gamer.livejournal.com]

Hi

The person I was when I started typing this would have wanted me to hit post.

z.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

*nods* there's something there.

[ridenowhere.livejournal.com]

You're not an imposition, but I'm pretty sure I am.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Not that I've noticed.

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

no imposition possible, sweetie. We're friends. If we do impose, I hope to hell we tell one another.

I have always enjoyed your company. Even when grumpy/depressed/tired and I don't want company, you are good fun. You also make me think at times when I should be and aren't.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

We can't always change how we present to the world, right? You're fine company. I want to get a swimsuit and go hit the local pool with you sometime soon, even if it's only the hot tub.

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

More company at the pool = good: I do enjoy not swimming alone, but swimming alone can be nice too: very zen, at times

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

Beck can be so fucking hot sometimes, even though he's pocket sized: his presence can fill a huge field.

It sounds like things are falling into a more comforting pattern. I'm glad of this, and can't imagine your friends find you an imposition.

also, that little ryan boy friend of yours: can I just say sexy eyes?

[ridenowhere.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, you should hear him talk.......

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I just woke him up to read this out to him. He's bleary, "what does that even mean?" in a worried tone.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

"what does that even mean?"
In relation to the 'you should hear him talk' or the 'sexy eyes'? From the sounds of it it's a good thing he has the sexy eyes, all else considered!

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Beck's sort of like the american Bjork, I figure. Not exactly attractive, but there's sometimes a sizzle.

I don't know if things are falling into a pattern, per se, it's more like I've stumbled upon this hidden cache of incredibly important to my heart people who've just been patiently waiting in the wings until it was time for them to do the most good.

And yes, I am so. very. aware. that Ryan is a very pretty boy. Compatability not so high, but oh, he's so lovely to live with.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

this hidden cache of incredibly important to my heart people who've just been patiently waiting in the wings until it was time for them to do the most good

That sounds perfect and valuable: treasure them (as I'm sure you do, that's why they're there for you).

And lovely to live with is pretty darned good.