A group of Social Elite out for a rousing spot of entertainment at The Banshee, Cedar Estates, Smegma-Upon-The-Rise, England(L, Red) Sir Geoffrey Dupont-Beevers, OBE: A part-time druid and ex-Dundee callboy, Sir Dupont-Beevers received his OBE from Her Majesty in 1995 after successfully buggering a sasquatch. Now has plans to go in search of the Loch Ness monster with a specially outfitted rowboat. Much loved by the Welsh People.
(L, in Gray) Amorus Pye: American born and bred; educated at Eton, expelled for an unfortunate misunderstanding about the concept of 'fagging.' Now runs a highly successful chain of bordellos in Prague. Goes through fifteen polo ponies a month as a result of his rampant taste for virgin horseflesh. Thankfully Single.
(L, Back, Hiding) Adm. Gregory Japiro (retd): Achieved high honours in Her Majesty's Navy of Sodomy; has retired from public service due to painful canker sores and burn marks on scrotum. Now spends his days hiding in bathing houses at Bexhill-Upon-Sea and groping eighty year old pensioners in striped bathing suits.
(Center, blonde hair, holding Mallet) Lord Ffredricton Ghastly-Finch: The only person in this group who is listed in DeBrett's Peerage, Lord Ghastly-Finch is the current owner of the Banshee, Cedar Estates, and is the only person in the history of the United Kingdom to be expelled from a seating of the House of Lords for performing Unseemly Acts while the House was in session. Currently married to Lady Ghastly-Finch (nee Twatillary), Lord Ghastly-Finch has also been linked romantically with everybody else in the picture.
Lord Ghastly-Finch is seen here with his famous mallet, Gooley-Swatter. Normally kept under glass in Bath, the mallet is not in fact used for playing croquet, but rather is designed for Impacting against the Butler's Testicles.
(Center, back, hiding, wearing spectacles) Lord Ghastly-Finch's manservant, Armadillo. Amongst the many, various and depraved services that he performs for his lordship, Armadillo is charged with breaking up the pustules on his lordship's buttocks with a small hammer every evening after dinner.
(right, black hat) Lady Ghastly-Finch: prior to marriage to his Lordship, Lady Ghastly-Finch was primarily known for eating an Australian opera singer. When interviewed by the press, she said that she found him fatty and unpleasant, and that in any case she didn't think that she could finish a full one again. Her current project is said to involve hunting down, killing, and then smoking, Mick Jagger.
(right, red hair, fan): Ms. Serpentia Hackorypunk: in close competition with J. K. Rowling as Britain's best-selling author after her debut novel, "Buttocks In Flames", won ninety-five literary awards, sold over 5.9 million copies, and was heralded by The Guardian as
"... a sick, degraded, wretched horror of a novel, and besides which, most of the things the people do in this book are impossible anyway." Likes ponies. Really likes ponies. Recently broke up with Seamus O'Seamus, her lover of five years and the man voted as Ireland's least eligible bachelor, after he complained to the press that she had broken his anal sphincter into at least three pieces.
(far right, dreadlocks): Clarisse (nee Claude) Dubois, Britain's best loved transsexual singer. Following a successful gender reassignment surgery, Clarisse launched a multi-platinum record career after achieving media fame for ripping out Victoria Beckham's uterus and forcing her to eat her now disused genitals at a nightclub in Soho. In this picture, Ms. Dubois is wearing a pair of stockings dating back to at least 1440, and reportedly ejaculated into by a pubescent Charles II during the reign of James I. Reportedly dating Boy George.
(bottom) Sir Tyler Reginald-Mountsworthy: tonight's entertainment. But he doesn't know it yet.
-- excerpt from "Who's Who in Amoral Perversion", 2005 Edition
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