priorities suffering (this is a repeat)

[foxtongue]

I'm worn.

I lost a job today. One I needed for well being more than anything fiscal. They were kind there, and laughed. Instead I will be setting the sky on fire. Taking wires and powders and alchemy. One night crying with chemicals in the dark where no will see me but they'll see what I make.. Part of me knows I'll think of you when I press the silver button. I'll blame it on your pictures and where you live. If I'm lucky, I won't say your name. It's been a hard year and I can't forget your eyes. Every time someone puts their hand to mine, I remember yours, fresh in my mind. How the tips only just overlapped yours, how my fingers were slightly longer in relation to my palm. Then I remember kisses and I have to close my eyes. I tried to put together something for you tonight, I needed a distraction, something to bring myself out of how hurt I'm living, but weariness took over, and now I'm writing this letter instead.

I'm not sure why. I think it's a survival reflex, hoping to break the silence.

Comments

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

Let them burn away the pain and send it skyward; bright and hot and fiery, then fading to a faint trail. After, feel the intensity of the silence as the coming of peace and enjoy a brief moment of being truly one with yourself.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

See, we think the same sometimes. I'm not enough yet to know how to let go, but I can mourn with light, yes.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

Indeed we do. It wont go away that quickly, but each act between you and it makes you stronger.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

This will be my second burn. If I do five in three years, then my license works globally.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

I was referring to acts of madness between you and the parting, but having a global pyrotechnics license has to be worthwhile, even though I'm sure the most entertaining fireworks occur in countries in which licenses are more amazing than any fireworks.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. I'm just leaning towards acts of madness somewhere else. Here they have to be tiny be law and by nature. You talk of insane small towns in Spain and I think "freedom".

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

I'm sure one day you'll make it to such small towns in spain. Meantime little acts of madness can be mental diversion from all else.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Oh darling, I have just now been pummled with such a new lot of bad news that I ache with it to the point of losing my voice.

Let me hope.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

Always hope. You are strong. You have health, intelligence and good friends you've gathered around you, reflecting your good nature. There is no reason for eternal pain. Good luck.

[actingbunny.livejournal.com]

i have nothing useful to say- except i will tire iron people when needed, just point. It always helps :)

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Kind of you, but there's no reason for it. I worked one shift with them and then I ws told they would call when hours were posted. They didn't and I called back, they said they hadn't been posted yet and to wait for a call. Deciding that I didn't want to pester anyone, I waited, only to be informed a few days later that I'd missed a shift and in fact, was missing one as we stood there speaking. Great, I say, how wonderful. I'll call tomorrow and get my shifts from you. I will call.

SO yesterday I find that my pyro schedule has changed, an hour to the side, which leaves me late for my saturday shift. I call to tell them I can't make it on time and I may have to leave early, "I promised this months ago and it would have been fine until an hour ago when they changes the times", and they fire me for being "unreliable".

[michel-lacombe.livejournal.com]

Condolences anyway, dear, but if they're that disorganized, it would've become a mess dealing with them in any case probably.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

True enough, but the people there were young and bright and made me days easier.

[michel-lacombe.livejournal.com]

> lost a job

Aw shit.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

See above. It's so retail it hurts.

[kurrs.livejournal.com]

My gods, it's frankly amazing anyone is willing to work for retail anymore. How do people put up with that shit?

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I didn't argue for my job, though I'm sure I should have.

[antastra.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the job, but the fireworks are a wonderful thing.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

They will be. Are you going?

[antastra.livejournal.com]

When and where?

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Illuminaries, the festival of light. Saturday night at Trout lake.

[antastra.livejournal.com]

Saturday as in two days ago? I missed it, if so; sorry. I can't get online during the weekends here.

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

HUGS, and even though it isn't as appropriate as when sent to Kalev: HUGS through the CORE!!!

damn, I am on the jobsearch lookout myself. I came about one deep breath from reaming out my hypocritical supervisor (the one who is a dress code primadonna-[my shirt wrinkled whilst on shift], although she wears sweaters EVERY shift even though it explicitly states in the supervisor dress code section that "sweaters are not to be worn"). Have to find another job before I do snap at her/ management for being inconsistent wankers

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's not possible to snipe somewhere that could effect things, hey?

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

I have, but am still leaving my job

[wyldkyss.livejournal.com]

Too bad about the job hun.

Thanks for the song though. :)

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's good to have a soundtrack.

[(Anonymous)]

Song stolen, thankee.

[kurrs.livejournal.com]

Must... remember... to... log... in.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

You and everyone else around here.

[michel-lacombe.livejournal.com]

Cool. I've always wanted to be legion.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Bugger that WE are legion, not you.

[naekkae.livejournal.com]

if it's not a fiscal thing, can you find somewhere that you would enjoy volunteering your time to be around bright, young, laughing people? it would at least be on your own terms.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

It's not a fiscal thing because it was my part time job that I've lost. It's not that I can easily afford losing it, merely that I will not now die.