priorities suffering (this is a repeat)

[foxtongue]

I'm worn.

I lost a job today. One I needed for well being more than anything fiscal. They were kind there, and laughed. Instead I will be setting the sky on fire. Taking wires and powders and alchemy. One night crying with chemicals in the dark where no will see me but they'll see what I make.. Part of me knows I'll think of you when I press the silver button. I'll blame it on your pictures and where you live. If I'm lucky, I won't say your name. It's been a hard year and I can't forget your eyes. Every time someone puts their hand to mine, I remember yours, fresh in my mind. How the tips only just overlapped yours, how my fingers were slightly longer in relation to my palm. Then I remember kisses and I have to close my eyes. I tried to put together something for you tonight, I needed a distraction, something to bring myself out of how hurt I'm living, but weariness took over, and now I'm writing this letter instead.

I'm not sure why. I think it's a survival reflex, hoping to break the silence.

Comments

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

This will be my second burn. If I do five in three years, then my license works globally.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

I was referring to acts of madness between you and the parting, but having a global pyrotechnics license has to be worthwhile, even though I'm sure the most entertaining fireworks occur in countries in which licenses are more amazing than any fireworks.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. I'm just leaning towards acts of madness somewhere else. Here they have to be tiny be law and by nature. You talk of insane small towns in Spain and I think "freedom".

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

I'm sure one day you'll make it to such small towns in spain. Meantime little acts of madness can be mental diversion from all else.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Oh darling, I have just now been pummled with such a new lot of bad news that I ache with it to the point of losing my voice.

Let me hope.

[silver-notebook.livejournal.com]

Always hope. You are strong. You have health, intelligence and good friends you've gathered around you, reflecting your good nature. There is no reason for eternal pain. Good luck.