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Doctors confirm woman's imaginary third arm.

I have returned from the Middle America with a ridiculous amount of ice-cream. Richard, my darling ride home, wanted to stop and shop on the way back, and blessed be, he had a cooler. Now my freezer is creaking at the seams like a cruelly overstuffed, force fed goose of pure deliciousness. Once again, I can spend time with a spoon and flavours like Hawaiian Lehua Honey & Sweet Cream ice-cream or Pomegranate Choco Chip, (not available in Canada), sold by the quart, (which also doesn't happen up North). Life is good. (Though seriously, United States, knock it the fuck off with the corn syrup.)

Thankfully, too, life is good for other reasons. I have returned from Seattle spontaneously engaged to my friend Rafael, which was a bit of a surprise, even though I was the one who proposed, (while under the influence of vast quantities of chocolate and a rather well timed foot-rub), especially as I'm still single, which seems both seamlessly appropriate and monumentally unfair. As I said to Frank earlier, being a pair of only relatively nice Jewish children, we decided it would be the most fun if we continued with it enough to declare it three times in three days, which is sort of the Judaic networking equivalent to jumping over a broomstick, just to see what would happen. It's not like we're writing up a Ketubah or anything, (1. facebook 2. twitter. 3. livejournal), but as a social experiment goes, we're rocking the house. His family, for example, seem to completely support us in this "decision" for no reason I can fathom.

Also while at Norwescon, I woke up wrapped in the embrace of two, count them, two incredibly distractingly attractive young men, something I've never done before, (no, I'm still not 'getting any', shove off you perverts), the morning after I gave up my last surviving pair of black pants for SCIENCE!!* Sexy SCIENCE!! even, as they were donated to further experimentation when it was discovered that once Tony's svelte, wiggling, dance-floor hips are sheathed in my pants instead of hidden under a kilt, they set the ladies on fire. I approve of ladies on fire. The only drawback is that I am now almost completely pantsless. So - internet - where does a girl go to buy black pants in Vancouver? I haven't the vaguest clue.

In the Event That You Have Accidentally Swallowed the Higgs Boson


*SCIENCE!! is not actually real science, it is science with jazz hands.

Date: 2009-04-14 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coffeeman.livejournal.com
This post is chock full of win!

I'm glad you posted the bit about swallowing the Higgs boson. I've been very concerned about what to do in that event.

telepathic sea sponges control all

Date: 2009-04-14 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
And now you know.

Date: 2009-04-14 09:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wyldkyss.livejournal.com
There is so much SCIENCE! and chocolate in this post that my mind can not contain it all.

Date: 2009-04-14 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
I think Robin said he dropped $200 on chocolate for the weekend. We were stuffing cocoa bars into his backpack like robbers stuffing cash into a sack. It was an amazing amount.

Date: 2009-04-14 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wyldkyss.livejournal.com
I suspect you're done with chocolate for a while if there was that much to go around...

Date: 2009-04-15 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] donnaidh-sidhe.livejournal.com
Urban Planet's actually pretty decent when it comes to inexpensive jeans of various styles and colours. If I can stuff my butt into them, you'll do fine re sizes.

The Metrotown location's much bigger than the Granville location, so you're probably best off choosing the former over the latter.

Date: 2009-04-15 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
I'll check it out! Thanks! Any suggestions for pants that are not jeans?

Date: 2009-04-15 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] donnaidh-sidhe.livejournal.com
Ehn. Bootlegger? Except the only one of those I know of is in Brentwood Mall.

Date: 2009-04-17 04:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bonefinder.livejournal.com
army surplus!

Date: 2009-04-15 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kencf0618.livejournal.com
Congratulations on the chocolate, etc.

Date: 2009-04-15 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
Speaking of chocolate, there's a new place in Queen Anne called Chocopolis or some such that has some of the most amazing chocolates I've ever had. I bit into one of their citrus caramels and it was like time stopped. My skin flushed, my heartbeat jacknifed, my eyes dilated. It was like staring into the warm, wet stare of my hidden libido.

The balsamic strawberry was pretty darned good too, though the lime jewel was slightly more creamy than I wanted it to be.

It was a sight to see

Date: 2009-04-15 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-dream-tiger.livejournal.com
I can testify that her visible reaction when she first tasted the citrus caramel was entirely compatible with that description. And then I tasted it and was able to further corroborate.

Also I am sorry that:
1. I was oblivious to these spontaneously combusting and toppling ladies of which you spoke. I don't always notice much when I'm dancing.
2. I left you pantsless
3. the weekend was only three meager days.

-TtT

Date: 2009-04-15 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
1. I got some prety darned sweet photos of you dancing to offer as proof at a later date.
2. Pants are replaceable.
3. We should make a widget that counts down the days until my next trip to Seattle.

Date: 2009-04-15 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] themythicalman.livejournal.com
Once again, I can't tell if you're serious re: the proposal. It does seem like the sort of thing you'd do, because you *can*. But still. If you are serious, congratulations: I hope that you will be very happy together. If you are not serious ... well, be happy anyway.

You crazy, neo-tech-hippies. I swear to Yoda.

re: seriousness

Date: 2009-04-15 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
I suppose I should ask him. Heh.

Re: seriousness

Date: 2009-04-15 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] themythicalman.livejournal.com
Ummmm ... yeah. Maybe you should, although I'd personally be more worried about the Mother-In-Law. Not as though I know your betrothed, but still: don't cross the Mom (no pun intended).

Date: 2009-04-15 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porphyre.livejournal.com
I've met her, actually. She's nice. She likes fish.

And that is sort of all I know.

Date: 2009-04-15 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] themythicalman.livejournal.com
Well, being the Middle-Aged Person that I am, I advise caution. Which I'm sure you'll completely ignore, in which case: Godspeed, lass. My prayers are with you.

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