my life as a misery ghost

[foxtongue]

Portal 2: Exile Vilify, a hidden song by The National
Monday: It was just after midnight when he opened the door. In the interest of brevity, I will leave out the next three hours, excepting my desire to be wanted, kicked in like a knife, a piercing pain that has yet to fade. Suffice to say, A. has gone away. Like in the old stories, antique, anonymous and trying, everyone a letter instead of a name, places expressed as an initial and an em dash. Off to the sanitarium, he cried!

After: I sat crumpled in the street where I had been dropped, left salty eyed blind and exhausted, my glasses on the hood of a stranger's cold truck, too tired to stand, even as the the night evaporated as thoroughly as the warmth on my body where his hands had apologized and cradled me goodbye.

So that, for now, is that. After a multitude of absences and various failure situations, he has decided that he is not currently capable of being responsible in regards to my un/happiness and has withdrawn from my life. I do not know when he will return or in what state, but it is my hope, however small, however sad, that he will come home to me when he can.

Comments

[drcuriosity]

*hugs for a dear heart*

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie. I was sorry to read that you haven't been well lately either. I wish you a speedy recovery!

[drcuriosity]

Very much appreciated, thank you. Hopefully taking a month away from quakes and such in U.S. next month will help my immune system and stress levels to normal.

[silveredmane.livejournal.com]

I wish I could wrap you up in a hug and tell you that it will all be okay and that that would be true.

As we both know from personal experience, it's dangerous to have such a long emotional continuum. And neither of us is willing to give up the glories of the high end because of the crippling despair of the low end.

Hanging out for a couple of weeks with a couple of women twice your age, both of whom love you, might do you a lot of good. It's just the logistics in the way of this.

If one of the many people who love you would like to buy you a plane ticket to Albuquerque, perhaps the warmth and love and safety that you would experience here would lift your spirits.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

You are a treasure and I miss you and I love you and I hope I see you soon. Plane tickets have indeed come through, but to NYC. I'm going to be there for my birthday, May 20th to June 2nd. I will wave from the air and continue to scheme of ways to get down to you.

[cheerylilgoth.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

We can commiserate the next time you're in town over dinner, drinks, or dancing.

I know how you feel, almost exactly (though much less eloquently). I hurt every day, even though Joe is still around (which is both good and bad), but I'm slowly working on appreciating the fact that he can admit what he can't handle--but appreciating it doesn't make it hurt any less.

It will get better. For both of us.

[porphyre.livejournal.com]

I'm going to be in Seattle next month, stopping for a day or two on my way to SeaTac. Yes, please, let's visit. My heart goes out to you in every single way.